Being a Mother with Cancer

Today for the first time, we're going to be sharing with you a guest blog from the wonderfully strong and brave Heather Von St. James. She asked us very kindly if we'd be willing to share with you her story to help raise awareness of this devastating disease: 

Whenever people hear my seven-year-old daughter talk about my cancer, she has always has the funniest yet true things to say. For one, she likes to tell people, "I saved my mommy's life." It's a matter of fact for her, something so true that she knows it to her core, and so do I. While many people find it hard to really understand how a child can save an adult's life, she really did save mine and people only realize it after I tell them my story.

My husband Cameron and I wanted to make our marriage a priority. For seven years, we didn't even think about having kids, but finally, I was ready. I wanted to be a mother. There was something about having a baby that I couldn't get out of my head. It took us a little while but three pregnancy tests later, I was so incredibly happy to be a new mommy. I kept wondering about all of the things in the future that were now to come. What was she going to look like? What kind of mother was I going to be? It was months of questions for me while I was pregnant, but it was relatively smooth sailing. Delivery was a bit more difficult. Lily was a breech baby, which meant that I needed an emergency C-section. While it was surprising, we made it through wonderfully. I was holding her in my arms afterwards, just staring into her bright eyes and realizing that I didn't care if I was a cool mom or not. I just had to be a good mom.

That was the happiest moment of my life. It wasn't long after her birth that I started to feel strange. I was tired all the time and losing a lot of weight each week. I went in for some tests because I just didn't feel right. We were finally called back three and a half months later. My husband went with me, and we sat there, the doctor told us that I had malignant pleural mesothelioma. It was the ultimate blow. I had never experienced such an utter fall into emotional peril. How did I have cancer? It was true though. Not only did I have cancer, but I only had 15 months to live if I didn't get treatment. We chose to see a mesothelioma specialist from Boston. He was supposed to be the best with a high success rate.
After that, life was a whirlwind. I first went into major surgery to remove my lung, parts of my heart lining, chest lining and parts of diaphragm. I thought I was supposed to be spending this time with my new baby, but instead I was in and out of the hospital. I spent 18 days in the hospital recovering after the big surgery. I didn't have much time to spend as a mother, and it was all I could think about. Lily was my hope, my bright spot, the thing that I reached out for and thought of when times were most dark. As much as my husband gave to me, I saw myself getting better because I had to for my baby girl. She needed her mother for much longer. Every day that we were apart I thought of her and drew strength from the thought of holding her.

My journey with mesothelioma was difficult. Most people don't survive when diagnosed with the same type of cancer, but I did. I honestly believe that it was because I was able to have strength and continue to fight to be with Lily. I went through so much to be with her. I faced a hard surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, but I was strong because of Lily. She had come just at the right time in my life.

There were other people who helped us during this rough period. My husband was an amazing rock and the person who was always there when I needed someone to lean on. My parents were extremely helpful. I stayed in their home in South Dakota with Lily for a time before going back for chemotherapy and radiation. There were also friends, family and even people we didn't know who reached out and helped us. I didn't know that I had such a big family, but there were so many who just wanted to see me get better and have the family that I had wished for so long ago. It seemed like a lifetime during that year, but I faced those challenges and am happy to report that I am cancer-free today. I'll never forget what it felt like to be a new mother and that kind of happiness stuck with me throughout the ordeal.

Anti-colic bottle reviews

Following my decision to formula feed Arthur finding the right bottles has been an absolute priority as feeding in this way can bring a lot of windy problems. So overall I've tried three of the major brands anti-collic offerings: BornFree, MAM and Dr Brown and here are my findings.

BornFree

Firstly I'm going to be starting with the BornFree bottles, probably the least known out of the three brands in the UK but hugely popular over the pond. BornFree were the first to market with a Bisphenol-A (BPA), Phthalates and PVC free from offering, an attribute they like to shout about. 

The bottles themselves also have a patented Active-Flow venting system which has been designed to reduce air pressure and vacuum build up in the bottle which should reduce colic and gas pain. It's also supposed to allow your baby to control the milk flow similar to breast feeding if you're doing a mix. 

Having not previously heard much about the BornFree range I was quite open to trying them but wasn't really expecting them to perform as well as they did. The venting system is a little fiddly to clean and you have to make sure you separate the plastic parts for every wash as otherwise you would have a haven for bacteria to hide. 

However in terms of feeding and wind and colic the bottles performed well against the popular choices from MAM and Dr Brown. I honestly didn't see much of a difference when I used these bottles in terms of Arthur's discomfort. With all the bottles we did have some wind issues in the first couple of weeks of his life but he never had colic and we experienced very few episodes of uncontrollable crying as a result. 

The actual design of the wide-neck bottles is very similar to that of Dr Brown and I could easily mix and match the teats and tops. The design of the Deco bottles was also quite sweet with a picture of trees and birds and the green screw tops. Furthermore and where they out perform their competitors is in the screw top design. I haven't had a single leak in the five weeks I've been using these bottles which is a major plus in my books. 

With prices starting at £6.50 for a single bottle they're definitely worth consideration!

Dr Brown

The Dr Brown bottles have a great reputation and are often cited as the favourite anti-colic brand so I expected them to outperform all the bottles by a mile but surprisingly they didn't. 

The Dr Brown brand boasts that their bottles are the only fully vented vacuum free design, which helps minimise wind and colic and reduces the build up fluid in your baby's ear. However in truth the system is pretty fiddly especially if you are trying to prepare the bottle whilst out in about, as keeping everything sterile is a delicate juggling act. 

In addition I've found that bottle leak quite easily. You have to make sure that you don't put freshly boiled water in as the steam causes the water to explode everywhere, which is incredibly annoying if you've just put them straight into your nappy bag... They also leak after you take them out of the microwave if you're just gently heating them. I did check on the website to see if their was an answer to the leaking issue and apparently it occurs when steam or too much heat gets into the venting system. Therefore you should undo the caps by half a turn before popping them in the microwave. 

I also wasn't a fan of the measuring line on the bottles which they've recently indented onto the plastic so lines don't suffer from fading. This in theory should be much better for their longevity but actually it makes it quite difficult to read particularly when you have a build of condensation on the inside, so you really have to bend down and take a close look to see the water line. 

However the whole system does work quite well in terms of helping reduce wind issues as we had very little problems when we were using them in fact they probably are slightly better than the competition. 

MAM self-sterilising bottles 

The final brand I looked at were MAM mainly because of their self-sterilising feature, which I have to say is a huge bonus. It means that these bottles are so easy to take everywhere, especially if you're going away as there is no need to cart around a steriliser. All you have to to do is unscrew the bottom of the bottle, place the teat inside with a bit of water, then add the lid and microwave for three minutes. It's that simple. 

Their patented vent system is in the base as carefully designed holes regulate pressure balance and airflow. As their system is built in it means that there are less fiddly parts to mess around with when washing and making the bottles up. Furthermore in addition to the patent on the vent system they've also got a patent on their teats which are made using a silky rubber which is supposed to promote a familiar feeling (I'm not entirely sure what that means). 

What I also like about these bottles is the look as they've each got pretty designs which are quite fun and mean they stand out against the competition's offerings. 

I do have one criticism of these bottles though and that's leaking. As they have two screw parts if you line either of them up wrong you can have some issues and the threading design isn't great and I've had quite a few dripping bottles. 

Conclusion 

There really isn't a clear winner amongst these three so I think your final choice should come down to preference. If you're worried about leaking then Born Free definitely come out on top. Dr Brown are ever so slightly better on the colic scale so if you are having real issues with your baby then they might be worth the investment, especially if you spend a lot of time at home and therefore can prepare the bottles in a sterile environment. 

However, if you're out and about a lot then MAM would work really for you. In fact I think no matter what system you choose it's worth having a couple of the MAM bottles as an emergency back up as you can sterilise them no matter where you are. 

Let me know your thoughts though and if there are any other systems you'd like me to look into. 

Take care,

Mrs W 






 

My decision not to breastfeed - don't judge me!

I can't quite believe it but somehow Arthur is now 8 weeks old and we've all survived relatively unscathed. In fact the whole process of becoming a mum and handling a newborn has been a lot smoother than I could ever have anticipated, what's going on? Well for a start I know that I'm really lucky and actually have a really good baby. After a pretty tough pregnancy which ended with me basically being flat bound with SPD and then not the greatest of birthing experiences the yang has kicked in from the ying.

Although it hasn't been completely plain sailing in that I made the horrible and agonising decision to give up on breastfeeding at quite an early stage. With so much pressure from society to make breastfeeding work, this decision has left me feeling at times like a terrible mother even though deep down I know that it isn't true. However it's a decision that has left me open to judgement by friends, family and even strangers on a regular basis without anyone knowing the my reasons why, a charge that is grossly unfair. So I hope in writing about my experience I can firstly get it all off my chest and secondly in the hope that it helps others to have the courage to persevere or feel that it is ok to give up themselves.

Breastfeeding is after all something I've always viewed as being incredibly important and something that I would absolutely be doing with each and everyone of my children. I to have judged people in the past who have given up so quickly and consequently spent several hours reading up on techniques in how to get it right. I even insisted Mr W came along to a breastfeeding class in the later stages of my pregnancy. The notion that I wouldn't be exclusively giving my boy breast milk for at least the first three months wasn't even entertained.

The truth? It's more painful then a contraction and since giving birth the majority of mums I know haven't managed to get it right despite hours being spent trying. So why doesn't anyone ever tell you just how tough it is? Why doesn't anyone prepare you properly for the onslaught you're about to be put through? All the background reading makes out that it's the easiest, most natural experience in the world. If it hurts it's simply because you're not doing it right and a quick adjustment will sort everything out...

I knew when Arthur arrived that one of the most important ways to get breastfeeding established was by putting in some serious skin to skin time and I did manage a good hour straight after he was born. I even managed to get him on the breast reasonably quickly. Although whether he took anything on that first feed I have no idea, unfortunately I didn't have a midwife round to check and I didn't know how to.

Then a couple of hours after he was born, Arthur started to make some grunting noises which concerned the paediatrician who was assessing him at the time. A couple of blood tests later it was discovered that his glucose levels were too low and he was immediately given a bottle to try and boost them. From then on I was still instructed to give him the breast at every feed but to follow it with a bottle to ensure he was getting the nutrients needed. However after four feeds and no improvement the consultant told me to forget giving him the breast and just do the bottle every three hours until the levels recovered. Thankfully this only took a couple of sessions and I was allowed to try again the following day with a bottle top up.

I quickly became confused though; why couldn't I get the latch? I mean it had been at least 48hrs now with a midwife helping me at every feed but we still didn't seem to be getting anywhere? This wasn't what I'd been told to expect by the councillor or the books?

My issues continued when I got home with my nipples becoming increasingly sore and cracked so I decided to try nipple shields. They worked brilliantly for the first couple of days but soon my nipples still continued to deteriorate to the point where my husband came rushing in one day concerned that he'd found blood in Arthur's posset. He calmed down when I explained that it was actually my blood as a result of the feeding. It was at this moment that I realised I wasn't going to crack this on my own and made the decision to go and see the councillor and in the meantime started expressing to give my nipples a well deserved break.

The following day my mother and I visited the breastfeeding coach with a renewed positive attitude to try and get this right. I was so sure that by the following day the pain and heartache from the previous week would be a very distant memory... However after a good two and a half hours trying to get him on we'd only achieved one latch. We just couldn't seem to get him to open his mouth wide enough, a bad technique learnt from the bottle? Possibly but apparently not unrectifiable according to the councillor. She advised me to continue expressing and syringe feed to give my nipples a break and a chance to heel for at least another 24hrs before trying again.

Now I don't know if anyone reading this has tried to syringe feed their baby but it has got to be the most tedious experience I've ever known. You basically have to drip feed your baby with a syringe whilst letting them suck on your finger. Apparently it mimics the feeling to them of breastfeeding and starts to undo the bad techniques taught on the bottle. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. It takes hours!!! You have to spend around half an hour on the pump (not easy when your baby is already screaming for milk) and then it takes about another hour to feed them with the syringe and they never seem to have their hunger sated. It was just awful. Furthermore considering Arthur's problem was that he wasn't opening his mouth wide enough I wasn't sure how giving my finger would help??

Anyway after 24hrs and little sleep with the whole expressing, finger feeding lark I decided it was time to crack this feeding business once and for all. I cancelled all visitors, took myself to bed for the day and made my mum confiscate the syringes and bottles. That was the day that broke me both physically and mentally. No matter how hard I tried he just wouldn't latch. I'd manage to get his mouth wide enough for him to take a large amount of breast but he would just use his hand to push and push until he was right on the end of the nipple and only then would he feed. I was in bits.

By the end of the day I was on the floor sobbing and feeling like the worst mother in the world. Every time he cried I couldn't bear to pick him up in case it was food he was after. I just didn't want him anywhere near me.

The next day my mum stepped in and discussed giving the whole thing up because by now she'd noticed that I was starting to reject him. After a couple of hours of tears and toing and froing I agreed. Perhaps I could have continued with expressing and bottle feeding but that would have given me the worst of both situations.

Since that day I couldn't be happier as a mum. We have the freedom to go anywhere we want to go, when we want to go. Our bond couldn't be stronger and we're both extremely content. Despite the odd pang of guilt I know I made the right decision but it hasn't put me off and next time I'll definitely being trying again. It took another two weeks but my nipples have finally heeled.

In the meantime here are my top tips that I wish I'd known before I started and I really hope that it helps someone else get it right:

• Be prepared mentally - breastfeeding isn't the most natural thing in the world for everyone
• Get help early - as soon as you think it's not going right go and see a councillor don't leave it until your nipples are so destroyed you're breaking up inside 
• Try to keep the visitors at bay - it's hard to ask people to wait to see your little one but having a constant stream of people makes it difficult for you to go off and feed 
• Go to bed for 24hrs almost immediately to try and get it established 
• Have a good pump, steriliser and bottles ready in case you do need them but only use as a last resort 
• Keep a check on yourself - if it is becoming too hard don't let it destroy those first few weeks. It's a fact that breastfeeding isn't for everyone so don't feel guilty if you can't make it work. The most important thing is that you and your baby are happy, well bonded and fed however it comes! 

Lots of love,

Mrs W xxx

My buggy review - Chicco Trio Living Smart system

Towards the end of last year you may have seen my giving an initial review on the Trio Living Smart system after seeing it at the Chicco launch. Well over the last couple of weeks I've been trying out the buggy in the real world with little Arthur and here are my thoughts:

When the travel system arrived in early December I couldn't have been more excited. As I said I'd already seen the buggy at the Chicco launch and what I really liked about it was the fact that the buggy was so compact and easy to store and it's sleek design.

The number one complaint I've heard from mums over the years is how heavy travel systems are particularly for London mums. So many friends have spent an absolute fortune on a top of the range pram for their newborn and then changed it for a light and easy to use Maclaren and this is what was so great about the Trio. The mainframe not only opens up simply like a stroller but it also allows you to add the newborn pram top and car seat.

Pram top option

Whilst you can use the buggy with the seat in place from newborn because it fully reclines I still like the idea of having your baby in the pram top for at least the first six months. Not only does it look cute but it also keeps them nice and snug which was definitely needed over the last month with all the snow.

The first time I took little A out I have to say I was glad I had my mum with me as the positioning of my flat makes buggy access really difficult. We have a basement flat with just one outside staircase giving access from the street so we needed two people to lift the buggy out, also not easy when you're recovering from a c-section and five days post op (I hadn't been shopping in awhile ;-)).

We packed the system into the car and made our way to the local shopping centre. When we arrived I was slightly nervous as I hadn't put the whole thing together since it had first arrived but it really couldn't have been easier. You literally just pop the top into the two side arms until you hear a click, there's no need for adapters as everything is just incorporated into the main frame.

The whole system was then really easy to manoeuvre as we worked our way round the last of the sales. The quality of the design was also apparent in it's strength as it really had to prop me up as I shuffled around and used it to prop myself up for short breaks.

Since this initial outing I've used the buggy and pram top almost daily for the last five weeks and it's still working really well. Not only am I impressed but so are my friends and family particularly with the simplicity of putting it together.

My only slight criticism would be is that it is quite heavy when you've got the two together. Now that I'm mainly on my own I actually leave the system in the car and put little A in his car seat whilst I put it together.

Car seat

My love for this system doesn't just stop at the buggy the car seat is also really great and carries through the theme of simplicity.

When I was planning and listing what equipment I was going to be purchasing for little A I'd always just assumed I'd get a maxi cosi car seat because I trusted the brand and knew the benefits of their isofix system. So I was slightly apprehensive about using a different brand particularly without an isofix base (I would like to point out that this car seat can be used with isofix I just hadn't purchased it) mainly because I knew how complicated seats could be to fix. However this car seat genuinely couldn't be simpler. My mum and I had it fitted in in about 5 mins.

The Chicco seat also seems a lot roomier with the added bonus of the head cut out to prevent too much rubbing - little A still doesn't have a bald patch six weeks later, I'm crossing my fingers it stays like that.

The only improvement I would suggest is in the base unit which is a little plasticy and shiny, it does let down the overall look and feel slightly.

In summary

So far I'm really impressed with Chicco Trio Living Smart it's been great in these first few weeks, particularly in helping me get out and about whilst recovering from the c-section. Now as Arthur is growing bigger and his neck strength is increasing I'll be moving him into the buggy seat so I'll do another review on that version in a couple of weeks.

Pros

• Buggy style opening system
• Compact when folded
• Easy to manoever 
• Stylish
• Practical 
• Comfy for baby

Cons

• Set up instructions not clear (it took us awhile to put together)
• Not easy to put things in the shopping basket
• Plasticky car seat base