To find out or not to find out?

With the 20 week scan less than a week away all talk from friends and family has turned into whether it's a boy or a girl and I'm really beginning to regret saying that we were intending to find out.

In today's society it is the norm to find out your baby's sex and something I'd always said I wanted to do. In truth I'm a little bit of a control freak and the idea of not being able to plan puts me out of my comfort zone. I'm desperate to start thinking about the nursery, buying little outfits and thinking more seriously about the name but with so many strongly voiced opinions from friends and family, I now just feel an overwhelming urge to protect little muffin from disappointment.

As one of three girls and with a sports mad father I had initially been hoping that I could at last be the one to provide him the boy he'd always yearned for. So you can imagine my shock when the other week he told me that actually after witnessing a little boy's tantrum in a nice restaurant we was actually hoping I would be carrying a girl. This hope of a girl has also been voiced by little sister, who announced she would freak out if I was having a boy as she wouldn't know what to do with it, and very very very frequently by my in-laws who already have a grandson/ nephew/ son in the family and want to go shopping for girls things. As no one has expressed any desire for a boy I am now under no illusions that a little boy is exactly what I'm having.

For me and my husband we honestly couldn't care less what we're having so long as they're healthy. In fact our attention is more focused on what the anomaly and true purpose of the next scan is, which is to find out if he/she is developing well. Then if everything is ok finding out the sex, whatever it may be, will just be a lovely bonus. And I know deep down that whether it's a boy or a girl little muffin will be spoilt and loved to little bits by everyone, I just can't bear the idea that they would be in anyway a disappointment.

And for those of you out there who do have the patience and ability to wait, I salute you.

Weeks 16 – 18 : the muffin is training to be a footballer!

First of all I must apologise I know that I’ve neglected the blog somewhat over recent weeks. I can only blame a manic work schedule and a nasty bout of gastric flu, so I know I have some catching up to do.

I have to admit though that the last couple of weeks have definitely got more excited. I feel so much better in myself and apart from the flu bug I have officially stopped being sick!! Whoop whoop!

I’m still a little tired on some days but if I need a nap I just try and take it and then if I’ve got a busy day or night ahead I try and prepare by getting some rest beforehand.

However the most exciting news I have to report is, little muffin has started kicking!! It’s the weirdest thing. I started feeling little popping bubbles mid last week and they’ve just gradually increased. I kept doubting that they meant anything to start with but now it’s increased and it’s not like anything I’ve ever felt before so I’m assuming that it is the muffin kicking away.

You wait so long to feel them and then suddenly they never seem to stop! As I’ve been sitting here watching the Olympics this morning I’ve literally had about thirty little thumps. I can only describe it now as like a little elastic band pinging against the inside of my belly. It’s funny because you can now start to visualize how big he/she is from their little feet. It just constantly makes me smile.

Alongside the kicking, muffin is also growing like crazy, I can now see my bump getting bigger by the day. This did mean however it was time to take the plunge and go maternity clothes shopping. I arranged to go with my mum last Tuesday to Milton Keynes and I have to say I was really disappointed by what was available. We went into John Lewis, M&S and New Look only to be told their only collections were online. It was so frustrating because whilst I know the choice online is great, I actually wanted to try bits and pieces on to get an idea of my size. I mean they all cater for tall and petite people so why discriminate against pregnant people, GRRRRR!!!

Eventually though we hit gold in Debenhams who have a great Red Herring selection and I managed to get most of the basics. It really makes all the difference waking up in the morning and actually having a selection of clothes to choose from.

I’m also getting excited because we’ve just got over a week to go now until the anomaly scan and finding out what the sex is. I know a lot of people say you should try and keep it a surprise but in all honesty it still will be it’s just a surprise a couple of months earlier. I do admire people though who have the strength to wait, I’m just desperate to get planning.

Finally on the negative side I have been suffering an increasing amount of back pain which has been really annoying but I’m now receiving physiotherapy for it, on the NHS!! I couldn’t believe they offer that kind of care and I’m really hoping it’s going to help. If you’re suffering from this then definitely ask your GP/midwife about extra help. The earlier you go the more strength you can build. 

Week 15 - the revival begins

Wow considering how I felt just 10 days ago I can't begin to explain the difference to now. I feel like a whole new person. In fairness I don't feel as amazing as everyone keeps telling me I'm going to feel but I definitely feel alive and inspired to actually move my bum off the sofa. I can't tell you how happy that makes Mr W feel, not having a big lump for a wife. 

So here's a quick summary of how's it been for baby and I: 

The baby

At week 15 according to The Baby Centre little muffin is the size of an apple. I really couldn't tell you if that's a golden delicious or a pink lady but it's about 10cm of crown to rump. 

This week's key developments include being able to sense light even though their eyelids are fused shut. Taste buds are beginning to form so it won't be a long before I start getting reactions based on my rather varied eating habits. All the limbs are continuing to grow and his legs should be longer then his arms (otherwise he'll be walking around like a monkey when he pops out).

His or her little face has eyelashes and eyebrows. Its backbone is strong enough for its neck to straighten out and he's moving around more than ever particularly with little hiccups beginning to start. 

If I were to have an ultrasound now we might even be able to tell the sex but unfortunately with my care plan I'm going to have to wait until 20 weeks for that information. Also and most excitingly of all, from anytime going forward I might be able to feel little muffin kicking, Eek!!! 

Me

Well as I said I feel like a whole new person this week. The biggest change of all I think is the nesting instinct kicking in. I actually spent over four hours cleaning the other day which for me, even though I know it's disgraceful, is like an alien taking over my form. I've just suddenly found that I absolutely can not bear mess and dirt. I have to sort it out straight away or I won't be able to relax. 

The fact that I even want to get off the sofa is also a pretty big deal. There have been days in the last four months when I would literally be happy to just staying in bed or not moving off the sofa. As someone who is self employed I can't begin to explain what a challenge that has been. It's also definitely been felt on the old finances. 

I'm still being sick though unfortunately. I very rarely feel nauseous but occassionaly there is still a meal that doesn't want to stay down, which is frustrating as I only get about a 10 second warning. Luckily it hasn't happened when I've been out and about. Phew!! 

The bump is also really beginning to grow and all my clothes are getting tighter. I tried to put on a pair of maternity jeans the other day but they're still a little on the big side. I think this must be the most frustrating time because it is really difficult to wear anything that fits unless you invest in clothing that's one or two sizes bigger then your norm but that just seems like a waste to me as you'll only be in them for a month. 

I also attended my first antenatal class at the hospital where I'll be giving birth which was exciting. It was all about staying healthy in pregnancy and the habits you need to be learning now to stop yourself getting into difficulties later. For example, how to sleep with a pillow between your legs, how to get in and out of bed and all your tummy and pelvic floor muscles. I'll probably do a fuller post on this later on. The other thing I discovered is that you can get help through the NHS with physiotherapy if you do have an great discomfort. As I unfortunately have a curved spine I've already been in quite a lot of pain so I'm going to start with them in the next couple of weeks. Who knew there was positives to the NHS??

Anyway I have to say this is definitely been the best week so far and I'm really starting to feel excited about the coming months. Particuarly as we now have a real bump to comment on. 

Week 14 - Wohoo the start of the second trimester

So I’m sure I read somewhere that at this point I’m supposed to stop feeling sick, have tons of energy and that mystical glow everyone keeps going on about… Well in my case I’ve been sorely disappointed.

What’s happening with baby this week…

Well it turns out my little muffin is a lemon this week measuring at approx. 10.1cm (4in). Although it apparently starts getting harder to predict their exact size from this point onwards as all babies now start developing at different speeds but apparently I should think of it as a lemon.

Muffin’s ears are also now developed to start hearing and in particular mine and hubby’s voices, which is pretty cool. They also love being sung to but unfortunately for my little one I think I’ll save them from my voice unless they want their ears damaged before they’ve even begun.

Other cool facts include: they’re arms should have grown long enough to place his hands together in front of his face, the spinal cord is now fully formed and nerves are leaving between every vertebra, and she can even squint, frown, grimace, pee and possibly suck her thumb!!

What’s happening with me this week…

I wish I could tell you that I’m feeling amazing and all the tiredness and nausea had gone away but unfortunately not.  Although it has definitely begun to improve as the days have gone by.

I was lucky enough to start the week in Portugal as Mr W and I had managed to escape the horrific weather here for a week of sunshine and relaxation. Although I was still pretty exhausted in the afternoons and pretty much comatosed by 10pm a week of fresh fruit and fish was definitely paying dividends.

However we did return back to earth on Tuesday with a bit of a bump as my morning sickness returned with a vengeance following a delicious meal cooked by my mum. As a result I now seemed to have formed quite a significant food aversion to anything too vinegary e.g. salad dressing.

Since then I’m still struggling with nausea particularly if I’m a little hungry but on the positive side I’m really starting to get my energy back. I’m still exhausted early evening and around mid afternoon but I feel a lot better in the mornings. I’m finally getting an urge to actually do things other then hide on my sofa and I’m definitely nesting. I spent over four hours this morning cleaning our spare room something that is virtually on heard of for me!  

I think the most exciting part of this week has definitely been my growing bump – I finally have one! People actually have something to comment on and I don’t just look like I’ve eaten all the pies. I even tried on a pair of maternity jeans the other day but there still on the big side so I’m just living in tracksuit bottoms until they do fit but I’m sure it won’t be long.

Other then that everything else has been pretty much normal. My boobs are still pretty sore and sensitive and I’m a little gassy.

I’m also starting to get really excited now about the next stage as anytime from next week I could start to feel little muffins movements. I’m also only 4.5 weeks away from my next scan when I can find out the sex and finally we can start really planning!